Siapa di sini yang pernah berharap Pensieve dijual di online shop dan kita bisa membelinya bebas?
*Acung tangan*
Saya.
Sejak pertama saya nonton Dumbledore menaruh memory-nya di ember kuno bernama Pensieve, saya langsung euforia. Itu alat yang saya butuh banget! Butuh untuk menaruh isi kepala yang penuh dan luber-luber.
Ada yang kepikiran begitu juga kah?
Sayangnya Pensieve belum pernah ada yang bisa beli, bahkan di online shop yang motonya selalu palugada. Di dunia nyata, saya harus puas dengan jurnal dan diary dan blog untuk menyimpan memory.
Seperti cerita saya sebelumnya, saya sebenarnya sudah menulis diary dari SD. Dari bermodal diary wangi, bercorak bunga dan bergembok, sampai sekadar kertas bekas digunting kecil-kecil dan dijepit di pinggirnya. Semua diary masa lalu saya sudah saya bakar. Lupa kenapa alasannya. Kayaknya sesederhana malas menyimpan sesuatu yang sudah lewat dan pengin saya lupakan. Jadi memang diary saya melulu berurusan dengan curhatan isi kepala dan hati. Setelah kuliah, diary bergeser jadi jurnal juga. Isinya untuk mengingat tanggal dan hari penting (penting ada di kampus tanggal sekian karena ujian!) plus keluh kesah di hari itu. Kenapa si pacar enggak jemput. Kenapa ujian susah banget. Kenapa gue ambil mata kuliah ini siiiiih nyebelin bangeeet. Gitu. Selepas kuliah, saya lebih sering berjurnal dengan tambahan curcol sedikit sedikit dibanding menulis diary panjang lebar tentang apa yang terjadi di hari saya saat itu. Mungkin juga karena waktu luang berkurang buat ngelamun sementara hidup menjadi lebih realis dan kurang drama. Tapi, harus saya akui, jurnal saya masih berisi curhatan emosi macam zaman abege dulu kadang malah ditambah kata-kata kasar.
Sekarang, well sejak Desember tahun lalu, saya mulai lagi menjurnal. Dan secara sadar berusaha lebih banyak menulis jurnal daripada menjadikan jurnal saya sebagai diary. Memang apa sih bedanya Jurnal dan Diary? Persamannya dulu ya. Sama-sama berfungsi sebagai Pensieve. Bedanya, diary itu semacam Pensieve yang begitu elo taruh tuh ingatan lo lalu elo tinggal pergi. Kadang dilihat-lihat sih tapi lebih karena kangen aja. Jurnal semacam Pensieve yang saat elo taruh ingatan lo juga elo taruh pelajaran dari kejadian itu. Jadi ada pembelajaran di situ. Semacam strategi untuk melakukan review apa yang berhasil dan tidak berhasil sebelumnya dan apa yang harus dilakukan lain kali. Jadi, bertahun-tahun, saya punya diary cuma buat curcol tanpa pernah mau belajar dari segala curcolan itu 😀 😀 😀 .
Nah, setelah hampir 5 bulan berjurnal, apa yang saya pelajari?
Ternyata isi jurnal saya masih curcolaaaaaan hahahaha… Untungnya saya pakai sistem jurnal dengan topik terpisah. Jadi, saya pakai Traveler’s Notebook yang satu agenda gitu bisa ada beberapa inserts atau buku kecil terpisah. Nah, saya pakai sistem 1 buku untuk jadwal (monthly schedule), 1 buku untuk catatan kerjaan (entah catatan meeting atau catatan apa yang harus dikerjakan), 1 buku untuk catatan jadwal personal (misalnya catatan migren setahun, catatan olah raga yang bolong-bolong, catatan nabung), dan 1 buku untuk curcoooool. Tentu saja buku terakhir ini yang paling cepat penuh hahahaha…
Tapi, saya mau memulai habit baru. Curcol saya harus berfaedah. Bukan sekadar emosi jiwa ditaruh di situ, memory kejadian hari itu ditaruh di situ, kosakata kasar baru ditaruh di situ. Sekarang sambil curcol saya sambil mengevaluasi. Memisahkan kenapa hal itu terjadi, kenapa saya merasa seperti itu, apakah saya seharusnya bisa menghindari, apakah saya bisa mengontrol….Susah ya? Susah. Malah jadi kadang-kadang males nulis 😛 . Tapi saya mau tetap disiplin menulis. Bukan hanya untuk meminimalkan resiko sakit jiwa karena kepala yang penuh tapi juga karena saya mau belajar. Belajar mengendalikan pikiran dan emosi saya (cuy, itu kan di luar kontrol lo atau cuy, ngapain emosi, dia tidur nyenyak elonya masih mikirin dia), belajar mencari strategi baru (okay, kalau gue siram ini kaktus dari atas malah jadi busuk. Besok gue siram dari samping deh), belajar merapikan logika (jadi, kalau mau presentasi soal A, jangan ngomongin Z). Semacam SWOT dalam bentuk diary gitu deh.
Gimana kemajuan perjurnalan saya? Lumayan. Walau belum disiplin tinggi dalam menerapkan solusi yang saya temukan, saya sudah bisa melihat kenapa dan bagaimana. Minusnya menulis jurnal ada enggak selain ngurangin waktu tidur dan main hape dan duit tabungan karena milih jurnal yang muahaaal? Ada. Kalau buat saya, minusnya adalah saya jadi orang yang pegang kapak di gambar ini.
Walaupun sesuatu jadi terang benderang buat saya saking saya bolak-balik ngeliatin masalah itu, belum tentu terang benderang buat orang lain. Jadi, saya masih harus banyak-banyak menulis jurnal supaya bisa mencari solusinya.
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