It’s been twenty-something days that I have been caffeine-free, coffee speaking. And as a coffee addict, this means something. An achievement-of-the-year-award something. You see for years I have been able to free myself from many things -jealousy, ambition, grudges, hatred, my mom- but not caffeinated coffee. When a doctor told me my life would be a lot longer without caffeine, I told the good doctor he had to say the same thing to motorcyclists in Jakarta with their motorbike as an exchange for caffeine. Caffeine has been in my blood ever since I was an infant. My mom who believes black coffee is a traditional treatment for fever-cause seizures gave me my first two-spoonfuls of black coffee when I was no older than 6 months old! I had never had any seizure. I did get my first gastroenterities when I was 9 years old. It isn’t relevant, though. My dad, who was a coffee addict himself, allowed me to drink from his big glasses of black coffee since I was little. He only shared his precious black coffee with me. So, telling a young me to stop drinking coffee is hillarious. Yet, today I realized I was successfully free from caffeine for twenty something days without trying!

The ‘how’ is simple. The fasting month was such a cure for addiction. Since Day 1 of fasting month I was aware I couldn’t have coffee in my usual coffee hours. After the usual coffee hours, I was already deep asleep from exhaustion. So, my trick was I just pretended coffee was never invented. Before long, I had forgotten completely that coffee even existed. Wish I could do that with people…

Anyway, today, I have a very long day at home as a result of having a 12-mo baby and a 10-yo boy at home but no helpers. It was a hot 3 PM when I felt my head was so light I could just sleep walk with my baby in my arms. I yawned so widely that my son commented something. “Have you drunk your coffee today?” His tone was like ‘have you taken your medicine? You look terrible. Well, you always look terrible but today it is terrible-terrible, if you know what I mean. So, where is your medicine?’
I got stunned by his question because I suddenly realized… I hadn’t had caffeine for a month! A month! And the next realization hit me. I could continue being caffeine-free for the rest of my life, if I wanted to… IF. With capital letters.
The baby in my arms cried and cried. She refused to be taken to bed. I glanced at a pile of dirty dishes and clothes. I glanced at the hubby who was sleeping peacefully on the cold floor. My ears heard my son calling me, “Mam, could you help me with my homework?”

I could stay caffeine free.
Or not.

“Mam?” called my son again.
The baby was whining.
“Wait. I’ll make a cup of coffee first.”

It was my first cup of caffeinated sanity.

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