I am that kind of person who doesn’t have so many friends. I have never been somebody who is the center of attention. I don’t hang out that much. I don’t go out just for fun. I am not that kind of person who goes somewhere or does something because everybody does that. Not me.

When you meet me somewhere, you’ll see me as a reserved person. Don’t expect me to be chatty when we meet. Not me. I’m always too shy to start a conversation.

And probably that’s why I don’t have so many friends.

But when I do have friends, I cherish them.

A long time ago I found myself in a circle of people where I could click. We were more than close. We were like a family. Time passed and we found ourselves pursuing different things although we still kept in touch now and there. Just like what a family does. And then suddenly I realized I was close to one of them.

But the word ‘close’ is an understatement to what both of us did. We shared family stories and we were present when each of us had problems. I owed him as much as he owed me. Probably.

Then at a certain point of time, our path intertwined. We suddenly had to work together. It was then when everything became so confusing to me. I could no longer see a friend in him. I could no longer see his eyes look at me as a friend.

I thought I was okay with that. I thought it was just another friendship going bad. I thought we moved on. To different directions. Yet, I couldn’t make sense of everything.

Tonight I watched this movie which hit my head badly. I realized probably I hadn’t let go. Probably I’m still trying to make sense of things. Probably I haven’t tried hard enough. Probably I’m still trying to convince myself that a friend is to keep forever.

Probably. I. am. wrong.

Now you are just Somebody That I Used To Know