Birthday Blues is Not Some Kind of Colors

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So, anyone here experiences feeling sad, lonely, and down without knowing the reasons, around your birthday? I do.

I don’t really remember when I started to have this blues around my birthday. As much as I don’t remember when, I don’t remember why or how, either. And that sucks. Blues and feeling suck are a good combination to get one’s mood level hit rock bottom. God forbids if my birthday falls during my period. That will be really really lethal to my mental health.

Birthday celebration is fine with me. I like to celebrate birthdays, because, well, my mom kinda makes it a habit to celebrate anyone’s birthday. It’s not about being a year older, either. I don’t really have I-hate-aging problem. I hate the number on the weight scale more than the number on my birthday cake. I am not lonely either because I can bet on my mom’s predictability to show up with a birthday cake in front of my nose. Every. Year. It’s not the endless greetings that show up in my Facebook timeline, either. I am happy if my friends remember me. So, I truly don’t know why I feel so bad days approaching my birthday.

The thing is Birthday Blues is real. Birthday Depression is even real. They are not myth and they are not someone’s way to get attention. Sometimes, people get blues because birthday reminds them of being older, of things they haven’t accomplished, of people they miss, of good memories they lose. Birthday depression is worse. You actually feel the physical pain, lose appetite, be anxious of meeting people, even consider committing suicide.

I have been crying for no reasons for a couple of days weeks now. Every time I tried to dig more on why, I failed. So, tonight, a few hours before my birthday, I will do these!
1. Repeat my mantra: ‘this too shall pass’
2. Have no expectation. Tomorrow can be great or it can be not great. Either way, I will live.
3. Busy myself so I don’t have time to cry.
4. Avoid sad movies, sad novels, sad songs, sad people…Sorry…
5. Excuse myself from work. I will have a birthday leave (even if there’s no such thing).

Wish me luck!

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